The Ventriloquist

An online publication at and outside the boundary of evangelical Christianity.

Wednesday

24

April 2013

My Struggle

by The Ventriloquist, on LGBTQ, April 2013

Guys. Imagine your daily morning routine, showering in your dorm bathroom. Except, instead of men, all the stalls around you are occupied with girls showering. Imagine the level of temptation you would face, the spiritual battle that would writhe inside of you. This is how I feel every morning.

I tried my hardest to focus my mind on school, work, God--anything but the naked girls just inches away from me. But the thought of all those pretty girls around me just wouldn't escape my imagination.

I finally gave up and just tried to finish quickly. Getting out to dry myself off, I couldn't help but want to sneak a peek through the spaces between the curtains of the showers across from mine. I fought hard to try to control my mind. I gave one final weak plea to God for strength. Then, I heard a clink as the girl across from me uncaringly pulled open her curtain to reveal her naked self. She grabbed her towel and proceeded to dry herself off. Already weakened by my initial thoughts, my eyes finally gained power over me, and I started sneaking glances at her.

I felt a tingling feeling below, so I quickly dried off and wrapped a towel around my body. I walked to the sinks and started brushing my teeth, trying hard to focus on reaching every crevice in my mouth, and nothing else.

Suddenly, the bathroom door swung open and a girl in just her underwear stumbled in. I tried not to stare, but I was too weak and just gave in.

I left the bathroom, mentally and emotionally exhausted from trying to ward off all those temptations. I walked into my room, thinking that the hardest part of my daily battle was finally over.

A few minutes later, my roommate, who was also a girl, returned from showering. She dropped her towel and started nonchalantly perusing her closet, trying to find the perfect outfit. I wondered how long she was just going to stand there, flaunting her nudity. With no more will power to fight temptation, I just stared at her enticing body until she finally got dressed.

With a few minutes until class, I got dressed myself and threw my books into my bag and left. As I walked to class, I wondered when my struggles would end. I thought about I Corinthians 10:13. Did God really know my limits? I cried out to God, ashamed, guilty, frustrated, that I had only been awake for an hour and had already failed miserably.

Editor's Note: Cedarville students who are questioning their sexuality can find support in numerous places. One such place is Cedarville Out, online at www.cedarvilleout.org.

The Ventriloquist
The Ventriloquist

The Ventriloquist is an online publication at and outside the boundary of evangelical Christianity. Articles published under the Ventriloquist pseudonym are from authors who wish to remain anonymous.